The Smile Page

A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers
passed the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear: "Don't pay for me Daddy,I'm under five."

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After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly
announced to his mother, "Mum, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up."
"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"
"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday
anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."

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After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny
sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up
in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!"
 

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A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. 

When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. 

One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"

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A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a
bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the
book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. 

Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while
ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, 

"God's getting better at it, isn't he?"

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Sarah was the church gossip and self-appointed supervisor of the church's morals. She kept sticking her nose into other people's
business. 

Several members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there would know that he was an alcoholic.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He said nothing. 

Later that evening, George, quietly parked his pickup in front of Sarah's house...............

AND he left it there all night.

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While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our  minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his
collar wilt. Apparently, his five-year-old son and his
playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial
should be performed, they had secured a small box and
cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the
disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to
say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity
intoned his version of what he thought his father always
said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather. And unto the
Sonnnn.......and into the hole he gooooes."

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A young boy had just got his driving licence. He asked his father, who was a Methodist minister, if they could discuss his use of the family car.

His father took him into his study and said, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your school grades up, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and then we'll talk about it."

After about a month, the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. They again went into the father's study where the father said-

"Son, I've been very proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied the Bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut."

The young man waited a moment and then replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

The Methodist minister said, "Yes, and everywhere they went, they walked.

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A teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favourite Old Testament story, and as she moved around the class,
she saw there were many wonderful drawings being done.  

Then she came across Johnny who had drawn a man driving an old car.  In the back seat was a scantily-clad man and woman.  "It's a lovely picture," said the teacher, "but which story does it tell?"     Johnny seemed surprised at the question.                                 "Well," he exclaimed, "doesn't it say in the Bible that God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden?"

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